More Personal Honesty June 10

After my conversion and throughout the rest of my high school years, I struggled with the practice of Christianity, I think because, for a while, I never joined a formal Christian community. After graduation, I got married, obtained a decent job, and tried the church scene. One of the blessings God gave me was to gain insight into Christian people. I watched them closely and became perplexed with how they tended to seek the status quo. I thought Jesus was supposed to start a revolution in people’s hearts and thinking.

Yet I saw people just keeping Jesus nailed to the Cross, missing the joyful news of the resurrection. People followed the rituals. They wore the garments of Christian living. Those that gave to the church did so in ways that seemed to benefit themselves. It was as if the old spiritual garments were too comfortable for any drastic change, and yet, when life became harsh and troubled, the people only patched the old garments instead of searching to wear any new. I became more perplexed in my observations, trying hard not to criticize, but asking myself continually,” Was I somehow wrong in my views?” “What was truth anyway?”

After about three years, I was impressed I needed more information and knowledge. I felt God’s calling to go forward with education. In my mind, maybe an advanced degree would show me what was correct. So off to a Christian college I journeyed, dragging a wife and child.

As Jesus himself spoke in parables, my parable came from Mt.13:52, “Therefore every scribe instructed concerning the kingdom of heaven is like a householder, who brings out of his treasure, things old and new.” [NKJV] I went searching for those scribes, teachers who were filled with the spirit of that kingdom which is supposed to be honest with love and peace. I needed those who could interpret the old and the new and give me new truths.

When I told my boss, I was leaving my prestigious job to go to college, he went ballistic. He yelled I was too old, too dumb, too unrealistic and that I would fail because what I wanted to pursue did not pay much. Then he tempted me by saying I had a very bright future with him and would become rich with solid benefits in a short time.

But you see, none of that mattered. I had to find out some things for myself. I had to find out what made church and Christian people work. If this thing called Christianity was real, I had to understand why we all could not live the joy from the redemption Jesus provided. Weren’t we all supposed to be different in our desires than the world wants in money, prestige, and power? At the time, everyone said the answers were to be found in a school of Christian higher learning. I was young enough in my Christian walk to believe them, so off I went. [More personal honesty to follow]