Personal word June 9

In the days of the Graham Association, they often sent preaching teams to small town churches. Billy Graham’s son came to town to preach a revival. These were the early days of Graham and I had never heard of him or his organization. Also, I had never attended a small, Baptist church. I did not have any Sunday clothes to wear so I ended up borrowing some from my older brother. In some album pictures, I look like a clothed scarecrow.

        The morning the preacher preached, I don’t remember any significant words he said, except during an invitation time. He said if anyone would come to the front [I felt he talked to me directly] I could experience salvation and that would make me a part of an everlasting family. He continued by saying that this new family was in a kingdom of God whose Son was Jesus and I could have a new father and brother in a family that would never fail me.

        Fortunately, I moved quickly to the front, mesmerized by the promises, not totally understanding what was happening to me. After the preacher prayed and I followed his prayer, that morning I accepted Jesus as Savior and was baptized later that afternoon. After the baptism, I will never forget an experience I had with an evening sunset.

        Weeks earlier, to escape my home pressures, I had built a simple tree house along an irrigation ditch. This was my place to watch a setting sun, feel some peace and the only place I felt I belonged. After my baptism, I hurried to my tree to watch the sun. Colors had never been so brilliant. Bird sounds made sweet music. Light had never been so clear. All of nature never smelled so rich and absorbing. Of course, I was glowing in an emotional high, but I knew something, and someone had literally joined my person. My immediate feeling of forgiveness was like all my emotions got dumped into a large funnel and were syphoned down through some narrow path to a welcome homecoming.

        I was left with an engraved impression that has never left me. Finally, I had a true family and I felt I knew what truth was. I belonged somewhere forever. I no longer felt any significant rejection of earthly parents and, I could forgive their inhumanity to a bewildered youth. Before conversion, I literally knew what lostness was. I was deeply lost from my earthly connections and lost to myself.  I was adrift, unforgiven, full of unrest and left to my own inexperience, stumbling along with unproven life principles. My mistakes were huge because I was circumstantially and spiritually lost.

What difference did accepting Jesus make? The difference was [and is] my identity changed as I now felt a genuine part of a family. I felt I could see truth better, how things really were. I no longer had to fight others or myself. Before my change, I thought life cruel, offering truly little happiness, no stability. But Jesus became my Savior, true friend, and brother. Although I did not understand all at the time, God was no longer some vague principle of goodness but a personal acquaintance I knew.

At times, I still find myself not trusting happiness too much. I tend to look for the old proverbial shoe to fall. At times, I have dark thoughts, old fears of rejection, needing that sense of affection and belonging. In my more honest moments, I feel them all. I often wonder why and how long these failings will bombard my thinking. When I am most observant, I feel them. I still do not like to confront some of life’s disappointments, but I’m getting better because the down times don’t seem as long as the up times. I believe my up times are helped by a discovery: the world does not revolve around me alone, what I do or don’t do. I am simply one of many children of God but I’m in the family that counts. And that’s ok. I’m just trying to be the real me and know my part in the family. And like my old grandmother used to say, “I may be the caboose, but I’m still on the train!”